My partner & I recently ( precisely on 3rd September 2021) lost our almost 24 yo adult child.
She was a beautiful girl who passed away peacefully in her Uni apartment in Melbourne City.
We got a knock at our family home door from the cops on 3rd September morning around 11am. The officers came in and disclosed that our lovely and dear daughter Ash has passed away.
We were in disbelief and denial at the beginning. We could not react. After 20 mins or so, I broke down and my hubby was just there to support me.
It was a vey painful moment for us in our entire life.
A child’s death at any age can lead to such terrible suffering that it might be difficult to get beyond it. The affection of your children by a parent does not cease or decrease when they reach maturity.
One of the ultimate tragedies of life that many parents are unable to recover from is the death of a child. In some sense, you’ll never overcome the death of a kid and the complaint never completely disappears.
The greatest thing you can hope for is to learn how to handle your loss to go away.
As the days are passing by and are trying to cope with the loss, I have been thinking of writing a n article for other parents who go through this in their life that can help them to cope with this sorrow.
Any kid’s death, regardless of the cause or age, is overwhelming for parents, who can never be entirely prepared for their child to die before them. Parental bereavement is profound, long-lasting, and complicated.
For all grieving parents, sorrow and the healing process are comparable, but for those whose adult child has died, there are extra variables that may impact their mourning. Others frequently believe that because the kid who died was an adult, the parents’ sorrow is less intense than if the child was a younger kid or a Toddler. When a parent’s adult child dies, their grief is sometimes dismissed or denied.
In this article I am going to let you know all the feeling we are having and what are we doing or trying to cope with the sorrow after our adult child demise.
Related : How to deal with loss of an adult Child
Stay connected with all the people who knew your Adult Child
For us, I think this is the most vital step. As we now, most adults children will have many friends whom we have perhaps never met. For myself, I love to stay connected with all the people who knew our child Ash, especially all her young friends in her age group.
For me, this helps to keep Ash alive in my heart and soul. It helps me to keep breathing.
I can only hope that all [those] in the same position can also find a reason to keep breathing. It is worth it.”
Creating a FB page or Converting your child’s FB account to memorial account
To commemorate an account on Facebook, send a request specifying the dead, their date of death, and evidence of death, such as an obituary or death certificate.
If everything checks out, Facebook will commemorate the account.
Our daughter had decided on Legacy contact( One of her close Friends) that can memorialize accounts and download all of an account’s data.
We are also aware that she set preferences to have accounts memorialized not deleted after they pass away, and a legacy contact would abide by those specifications.
Joining an organisation that your [child] cared about (animals, dance, art, mental health awareness/advocacy)
Our daughter was fond of animals especially dogs. So, we are thinking of having another puppy hopefully we get one soon.
I think this is one of the best ways to be connected with her.
Pouring your aching heart out in a journal or a Blog
We are bloggers and we do this regularly and consider it an essential part of emotional hygiene. However, loosing an adult child will bring in extreme emotions and I know I need to pour my heart out.
When my whole emotional system feels like a heavy rain cloud or when I am edgy without really knowing why, its quite hard to write about it.
Since we lost our adult daughter pouring my heart out will be an Important step for the therapy.
Poring out your heart out might feel all these
It feels like this:
You would feel so Exposed about all your inner feelings , so very vulnerable, alone, distraught.
Slowly but surely starting to heal. Recognising and adjusting to new circumstances.
Free of the buried pain, and anger and hurt and frustrations of the past.
Moving on with your life. A new normal as they say. With more confidence, and self-belief and recognising the tremendous growth you have now attained.
In a nutshell – Pouring your heart out = turning a negative into a positive!
Take up a hobby and take that to another level
My partner and I have decided get our body transformed by gymming regularly . We have been gymming and it has been our passion. We like to take to another level now.
At such a time, the continued support of others, as well as the depth of understanding that may best come from individuals who have endured a comparable amount of agony, is essential.
Then there’s the work that has to be done on a personal level to identify that unique route for each of us as individuals.
We are aware that this takes time, but it is possible to strike through the barrier of great grief into a life where the loved child is never forgotten, and we would be pleased to know that we, too, have been able to breathe and live again.
Join a Grieving Group
“Perhaps you might benefit from attending a grieving group,” is the standard advise for the recently bereaved.
Every year, many Americans & Australians who are grieving question if they should follow such counsel.
While grieving support groups are not for everyone, they do provide a safe environment for people to vent their thoughts and share memories with others who understand what they are going through.
Learning more about how these groups function may enable you to get the most out of the experience.
While no one can anticipate whether or not joining a grief support group would be good for you, there are certain things you can do to make the experience as beneficial as possible:
Do some research. My partner and I are still deciding if we want to join any group and is it for us to join. If you feel its not for you need not.There are most likely several support groups in your region. Each will have benefits and drawbacks. Some are related by a wide common denominator, such as a loved one’s death.
Accept that the initial stages may be challenging. We are aware that initial step is hard.It might be difficult to communicate strongly held views and sentiments with somebody you’ve just met.
If you decide to join any group , Listen carefully and speak out when you’re ready. If you are not ready to contribute, it is OK to just be present in the group as an active listener.
Respect the group’s norms. Respect for others and faith that what happens or is said in the group will be kept private are valued in groups.
Give it your best try. Grief support groups are not for everyone. You should try a grieving group at least three times before making a decision . Don’t place too much faith on the outcome of your first encounter. It takes time to assess if the chemistry of a group is suitable for you, but you’ll quickly know intuitively if it is.
On Friday 3rd September 2021 , my family’s life changed when we lost our beloved daughter (24 yo), Ash. Ash was a healthy young girl doing her Bachelors in Science( Swinburne University) and Living in her Uni apartment in Melbourne City.
Saying goodbye to Ash is difficult, but the days, weeks and months that are coming will be even more difficult, as we navigated grief, adjusted to living without an important member of the family and made decisions regarding her ashes & memorial.
This is why I have created blogs, to provide practical advice and emotional comfort for those dealing with adult child loss.
Div & Manny
Loving Parents of Ash
Div & Manny – Lifestyle Bloggers